Thoughts on Pre-Marital Sex

On By Elisha McFarlandIn Blog Posts, Christian Posts

You know, I never really knew what I was getting into when I began Anatomy and Physiology. As a senior in high school, I have lost any preference for the classes I take, yet this particular course has proven interesting. While the topics have varied, the most recent topic is also the most awkward: sex.

There’s no other way around this topic, nor is there a better way to phrase it. It’s bound to come up in such a class, and sure enough, it did. Thankfully, my teacher is a Christian, and she combined both the science of sex with the Christianity we both believe.

While the discussion was elaborate, I believe the most important piece said was on the topic of pre-marital sex. In today’s culture, very few of us have a legitimate idea about the importance of wedding night sex. In fact, when polled, the number of Christians who claimed that casual sex between consenting adults is sometimes or always acceptable was well over fifty percent (Diamant 2020).

This is an incredible number. According to Jeff Diamante, 62% of Catholics and 56% of Protestants agree with the prior statement. Not only is this statistic alarming, it is deeply disturbing. For an unexplainable reason, today’s Christians continue to compromise their faith, syncretizing their so-called beliefs with the bells and trinkets of the world.

But couldn’t there be a good situation for casual, pre-marital sex to occur? Not at all! Biblically, we are specifically called to keep the marriage bed pure, reserving sexual interaction for marriage and marriage only. From the beginning, God’s clear-cut plan for marriage is simple: one man to one woman, going to each other on the marriage bed.

Genesis 2:24-25 says, ““Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.””

There is no difference between the Old Testament and the New Testament. The latter echoes the teachings of the former, stating in 1 Corinthians 7:2 that “because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.” Could you ask for a clearer verse? This is not masked nor hidden. One man to one woman.

Homosexuality and adulteresses are prohibited in the Old and New Testaments. In the Old Testament, the judgement for homosexuality was immediate removal from God’s people (banishment, see Leviticus 18). Adultery isn’t merely limited to the law, like homosexuality, but is also included in the Ten Commandments, causing some to argue that the sin of adultery is greater than the sin of homosexuality. I make no such statement but leave you to judge for yourselves. Both are condemned as sin and shall be treated as such.

Satan seeks to twist everything God created. As he actively works in the world, he seeks to corrupt the Godly and their beliefs. Men that once held fast to their faith instead exchange the truth of God for a lie (Romans 1:25), exchanging the Creator (God and His truth) for the created (the world and its offerings). Anything from the world will be contrary to God’s word, and thus we can recognize it as from Satan. The pure marriage bed, once a norm, has been defiled, an action that has since become commonplace. Normal sexual interactions (again, within the marriage bed), are exchanged for same-sex interactions.

In fact, this goes further than sexual sin. Righteousness becomes unrighteousness, truth becomes lie, manhood becomes womanhood (men are becoming more passive), womanhood becomes manhood (women are becoming more aggressive), and much, much more.

This is the world, ladies and gentlemen. It seeks to corrupt everything we know, starting with our hearts and minds. It offers compromise, small at first, but growing larger by the day, and tempts us with its charms. If we do not hold fast to the truths of God and take them as they are written, we will fall together as the Church crashes around our ears.

Marriage is about oneness and offering one’s self to the other. In this mutual servanthood, born out of love, true intimacy is reached, an intimacy that cannot be found anywhere else. When this is torn apart, baggage is created, the same baggage that will be brought into the marriage bed should it be broken beforehand. For true, lasting intimacy, there must be no spiritual or physical baggage brought to your spouse. Yet there is hope for those who have already failed! Christ purifies you, just as He purifies the Church. He cleanses His bride, the harlot Church (or Israel) and makes her a beautiful thing.

Holding fast to the truths of God starts here, with the simple things that we are told to take for granted. The world tells us, “oh, that’s normal, accept it as such.” WAKE UP! Surprise: it’s not. Every Christian is called to hold the marriage bed in honor and purity, for it represents something far greater: the Marriage of the Church and of Christ.

This goes all the way back to the Garden and God’s plan for family and the church. Just as the family reflects the Church (man as the spiritual and literal head of the home), the Church reflects the greater Marriage. In both cases, we are called to keep to this representation and hold these items as pure. As time passes, these boundaries are crossed again and again, the most common examples being pre-marital sex and church divides. We cannot allow these compromises to take hold within the Church, especially if we are to withstand the subtle temptations of the World.

The previous statements have been confirmed again and again by saved friends of mine who, prior or occasionally after their salvation, acted precisely as I just described or, on the opposite end of the spectrum, actually managed to reach their wedding nights with their virginity intact, or without. If I could give you a single lesson, one given to me with excessive emphasis, it is this: the wait is worth it. Don’t give in to the world.

Many will be offended by what I have just said. This is not the goal. My only prayer is that, even through your offense, my words will call you to further conversation and thought on these matters. Please remember: as Christians, our opinions are to be built around God’s Word, not the pressure of the world. If you’d like to engage in healthy, open dialogue, feel free to comment with any questions or thoughts of your own.

Until then, may the Lord bless you and keep you, make His face to shine upon you, and give you peace.

-Elisha

WordPress.com

51 thoughts on “Thoughts on Pre-Marital Sex”

  1. Josiah Brinson

    Very well said, Elisha! As a college student now out in the “real world”, I’ve seen first-hand how much our generation is distorting the ideas of sex and marriage. The sin is running rampant in our current culture, because we as a culture are more than ever losing our sense of Biblical worldview and morality. We have to keep pushing against the current and standing up for the truth. Stay strong brother, and thank you for being so open and honest about this prevalent issue in our society.

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  2. God wants us to save sex for marriage not because it’s “bad” or “dirty”— but because it’s unique, exclusive, and wonderful. Sex isn’t just casual fun. And it’s not just a feel-good way of expressing mutual love. It’s about two people becoming one flesh.

    Jesus says, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?”

    I love this post, the Internet and most corrupt individuals pollute the minds of teenagers to believe that premarital sex isn’t a sin but I think its one of the deadliest sin mentioned in the bible. Love this post🧡🧡

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  5. makaylajesalyn

    Wow, some great thoughts here Elisha! I do have one question – why do you believe women pastors are a lie from Satan? Is there a specific scriptural basis, or does it have to do with the biblical concepts of authority and submission? I’m interested in your answer, as this is a topic which I haven’t done research on but have seen questioned. Is it that you believe that it is not a women’s role to teach? (Aside from that, no questions. I absolutely agree that premarital sex is detrimental to a healthy marriage relationship.)

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      4. Timoth

        I’ve looked into this somewhat. Some scripture passages I found helpful were the qualifications for Elders and Deacons found in 1 Timothy and Titus. Both list a qualification as being the husband of one wife. It can be implied from this that pastors must also be the husband of one wife also because they are in a greater position of leadership than both elders and deacons.

        Also, the relationship between Christ and the church, which is to be emulated between husband and wife. The husband is to lead and love his wife and the wife is to submit to and respect her husband. Ideally, the couple works together to make decision, but if there is a disagreement that they disagree on after trying to figure it out together the husband makes the final decision. Pastors have a position of leadership. If a wife is a pastor she will have to take the lead of the family in the spiritual aspect, which is the husband’s responsibility. For single women consider 1 Timothy 5-6:1-2A specifically 5:9-16. This passage is the only one I know of that mentions women in a church leadership role and it is only widows mentioned.

        Some sources that I think had messages I listened to help me are Voddie Bauchum and Paul Washer.

        I hope this helped you as you prayerfully dive into the Word and reputable Bible-centered sources to find your stance on this topic.

        Liked by 3 people

  6. Grace

    If you all would allow me to contribute to this good conversation… I agree with Elisha’s statement that women are taking the man’s place in a pastor’s role. I do not think that women aren’t to teach at all, but rather that they teach other women! In fact, Titus 2:4 it says that older women are to teach the younger women! The more experienced giving wisdom to the not so experienced. However women teaching men is not biblical because of the way God has ordained man to be leader and women to be submissive to their husbands not only in the home but also the church. I could say much more on this subject since, honestly I’m a bit passionate about this topic, but truly in order to understand I’m not going to be the one who does anything or says anything it’s God.

    But on a different subject… Great post, Elisha! You approach this with such boldness as I’m sure it is not an easy subject to write about. Awkward as you put it, but it’s always wonderful to hear of others testimonies this way and a very good reminder. Thanks!

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  7. Timoth

    Excellent post, Elisha! It is astonishing and eye-opening that 50% of Christians said that pre-marital sex was okay. I appreciate you on not shying away from this topic. As always, it was a pleasure to read!

    Liked by 1 person

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  8. Hey guys, just a quick comment- I’ve removed the statements about women pastor’s since I feel like this takes away from the main topic. If you’d like to ASK me about my beliefs, feel free to do so. I’d even be open to moderately debating with you, but being incredibly rude and toxic in the comments isn’t allowed 😦 sorry. Anyway, I’m also going to fix the last two comments tomorrow to make them more relevant to the post as well, so thanks for bearing with me!

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  10. I agree, but how does one know when to class others as married or not? There’s getting married through the church, but then there’s also Adam and Eve who are classed as married but there was no church service, only God. So does that mean true marriage is when God calls you and your partner together? When He says that you two are husband and wife, even if you don’t go through a church service?

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  11. When I became a born again Christian I stopped having sec with my then boyfriend for 6 months before we were married. I felt as I needed to be cleaner before marriage. I’m sad to see how many Christians feel as sex is something to use before marriage.

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  14. Ahhh, more people need to write on this (in fact, is it fine if I steal your idea and do a post on this, sometime in the future??), so THANK YOU for sharing!! I took psychology last semester and definitely went through some of the same things with learning (and I absolutely loved it). I despise how much our culture is falling away and sex in general, is SUCH a casual thing. I was once researching for midwifery (taking that this semester…) and came upon an organization that was supposed to be giving teens advice. Instead, it said something to the effect of “sex is a great way for you and the person you like, to get to know each other….” WHAT EVEN??? I wish more people would speak up on this and not be embarrassed. Like Augustine once said in his confessions, “Yet we must say something, when those who say the most, are saying nothing.”
    Again, thanks for sharing!!! I love your blog so much (one of my absolute favorites…), and keep up the good work!!

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  17. Hannah F.

    I came across your blog recently, and wanted to thank you for writing about this topic. Pre-marital sex is something not many Christians or especially Christian teens talk about. It really saddens me to see how sex has become such a casual and common thing when God created it to be a beautiful, sacred act of intimacy between husband and wife. This is a topic God has been laying on my heart to share about, and I really appreciated how you honestly and Biblically tackled it.

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    1. You’re too kind, Hannah! I’m seriously appreciate your words, more even than you know lol. While this was one of my most viewed and rewarding posts, it has also caused me the most grief because of certain responses to it, so I am really grateful you took the time to express your appreciation. Thank you so much, and I hope you have an awesome day! 🙂

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