Let’s face it: we teenagers aren’t all that great at relating with the opposite gender. The common stereotype of the bumbling teenage male and the cutesy teenage female are nearly correct. The distancing between genders has become a legitimate issue, one only fixed through a common understanding and trust between those on both sides.
My partner, Keziah, and I have compiled a list of ten tips that should help combat this problem. With them, the guys will better understand the girls, and vice versa. These tips are organized into two groups: 5 tips to help you make friends with those of the opposite gender, and 5 tips to make yourself more attractive to them, as a general rule. Thus, the first half of the post will cover platonic relationships, and the second half will cover romantic relationships.
There are, of course, exceptions to these, but they should apply to most guys and girls.
5 tips to help guys become friends with girls (Keziah).
- Be friendly. Make casual conversation, and don’t constantly flirt. You don’t want to be labeled as a guy who is always flirting with girls, so just make conversation and see where it leads. Also, let her talk about herself. Everyone loves to talk about the things they love.
- Be outgoing; not shy. I know quite a lot of young people who want to get to know the opposite gender, but who are too intimidated to. Listen; girls are just as intimidated by guys, as guys can be, of girls. If you act like your normal self and are easy to talk to, you won’t have to worry about those awful conversations, where both of you are standing there, staring in awkward silence.
- Be watchful. If you are interested in getting to know a specific girl, then watch how she interacts with the people around her. See how she acts around her friends, and see how she acts around her parents and siblings. How she treats her dad is how she will eventually end up treating you; if she has respect for her dad, she will have respect for you. If she does not respect her dad; beware – she will have a harder time respecting you, later on.
- Communicate. If you are really interested in pursuing a specific girl, then communicate with her. Some people text, but my personal favorite is writing letters. Seriously, if you want to get to know random girls, casually ask to write letters to them. Okay, it might be kind of weird, but it opens up the door to ask so many random questions, and writing letters is a wonderful way to get to know the opposite gender.
- Hang out. This goes hand-in-hand with conversing with girls. Just hanging out with the opposite gender can help you learn so much about them. I’ve figured out on my own, hanging out and conversing with guys, what type of guy I want to end up with. So, hanging out with the opposite gender and interacting is a huge part of getting to know them better.
5 tips to help girls become friends with guys (Elisha).
1: Don’t be shy. To many of us, shyness is a mark of attraction. I have made the mistake of believing that a girl acting shy around me was attracted to me, but instead it turned out that she was extremely introverted. Don’t be afraid to talk to us or look us in the eye; we don’t bite.
2: Don’t be touchy/feely. If a girl touches my arm or something similar, I am immediately alerted to the possibility of an attraction. If you want to become our friends, but avoid the possibility of a romantic relationship, try to avoid touching us when possible. This also helps prevent many awkward situations.
3: Don’t be afraid to do things with us. A girl that isn’t afraid to attempt boy activities is a girl I’d like to make friends with. Even doing something simple like playing a video game with us is huge, and you will win the friendships of many guys by doing so.
4: Don’t flirt. That’s fairly self-explanatory. Don’t worry about whether you come across as flirtatious. Instead, make sure you aren’t intentionally flirting, and you’ll be fine.
5: Use the right terms. Terms are everything. In the past, I have worried about the possibility that a close friend of mine, a girl, was attracted to me. Thankfully, she fixed that problem with a single word: bro. She called me her bro, and I instantly knew there was nothing there. If you want to convey your platonic friendship with a guy, (or friendzone someone) call him your “bro”. This should be an instant giveaway as to your real intentions- friendship.
5 ways to help you, the guys, become more attractive to us, the girls. (Keziah).
- Be friendly, talkative and attentive. Girls like it when they can freely speak their mind to a guy, and know that he’ll listen to what they say.
- Keep Personal Hygiene. No offense guys, but girls really don’t like hanging out with guys who smell really sweaty and dirty. Even if you put a dash of cologne on, most girls will find that very attractive (don’t ask why; we just tend to like guys smelling good…).
- Be chivalrous. Most girls love it when guys are chivalrous. Even just holding the door open or pulling a chair out for a girl can go a long way.
- Constant Eye Contact. This might seem like a weird one, but it really is attractive to girls. Just randomly looking at a girl every now and then, will make her feel like you’re paying her special attention.
- Be kind and nice. Okay, this might seem like a given, but I think it needs to be on this list. Girls love it when they see that a guy cares, and is kind to those around him. Now, I’m not saying that you should just decide to be kind and nice because you want a girl to like you. That’s a horrible reason. You should be kind and nice, anyways, all the time. But I will say, girls do seem to be more attracted to a good, kind guy, than a rough, mean one.
5 ways to help you, the girls, become more attractive to us, the boys. (Elisha).
Note: Attractiveness is, to guys, a personal definition, so it is difficult to lay down tips when these may not apply to all guys. However, for the sake of the general female population, I shall endeavor to cover as many aspects of guy attraction as possible.
1: Be yourself. If we, the guys, see you acting around us in a completely different manner as you would act around your close girlfriends, we may think you’re attempting to put on a different “face” around us. We are attracted to girls that act themselves around us.
2: Don’t be intimidated by us. There is absolutely no reason to be intimidated by guys, no matter our height/size. Acting intimidated will merely annoy the dudes around you.
3: Smile. An honest smile is, by far, the most attractive thing to me personally, and I know many who would agree. As a general rule, don’t be afraid to smile.
“An honest smile is one of the most attractive things to a guy.”Tweet
4: Dress to be attractive, not to attract. We can usually tell the difference here, and for the Christian guys, the latter is a huge turnoff.
5: Talk. Regardless of whether you’re extroverted or introverted, you shouldn’t be afraid to talk to us. Speaking your mind and engaging in conversation tells us that you’re smart and are perfectly capable of using your head, something that is sadly rare in today’s world. Talk to us.
We hope these tips were helpful to you. Again, many of them are subjective, so if you disagree with one or two, don’t worry about it. That just makes you special. Furthermore, we write these in the hope that guys and girls can act themselves around each other, with clearly-set intentions (whether platonic or romantic) and without ambiguity. If you have any questions/comments, feel free to put them in the comment section below.
Until then, thank you for reading, and we hope you have a fantastic day!
-Elisha McFarland and Keziah E
Featured post: What Does It Really Mean to be a Teen?
Keziah’s blog: Keziah E. -One Girl, a Million Dreams, and lots of Writing.